The Quiet One<o:p></o:p>
By: Audrey Clark<o:p></o:p>
I used to have a love for metal<o:p></o:p>
But now I find my soul for jazz<o:p></o:p>
I always try to keep my soul peaceful<o:p></o:p>
But I never sacrifice my personality for love<o:p></o:p>
I once used to think fitting in was what I needed for happiness<o:p></o:p>
But now I know better<o:p></o:p>
If I could get up the nerve<o:p></o:p>
I would tell those who have ever hurt me how much they've hurt me<o:p></o:p>
I never chase celebrities<o:p></o:p>
But I might follow the career of one<o:p></o:p>
I can't trust those I don't know<o:p></o:p>
But I can trust those who love me<o:p></o:p>
I won't give into the pressures of love and romance<o:p></o:p>
But I might decide to give love a chance<o:p></o:p>
I used to be unsure of who I was<o:p></o:p>
But now I know I'm the Quiet One<o:p></o:p>
By: Audrey Clark
Written: February 15, 2011
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My tears invade my sight. I feel alone
while others gather to talk. Being diff-
erent doesn’t seem to be the flavor of
the day. Tranquility will always be
a part of me. Already been impaired
and lied to by a friend, now I’m supposed
to be a flawless person. Why? Whatev-
er happened to the human being? Why
does flawless mean amour and romance? Why
does imperfections mean that I can not
enjoy a romance? Why does solitude
mean being stuck-up? I don’t get it. Life
is all about the being of ourselves.
We all have limitations. So? We all
have flaws but that does not mean we’re unlov-
able. You wonder why I don’t subscribe
to Perfect Magazine? It’s not my type
of reading. I have hardly ever asked
for much, but as I write and tears discol-
or my view, know that I am a girl
who may be quiet and serene, but know
that even I can feel, although you may
not see it. Writing is my voice when spo-
ken words are hard to come by. Being me
is all I’ll ever be, and I can live
Here's the 2nd part of my story.
Love for the introvert
By: Audrey Clark
Written: January 2, 2011
Part two: day two-destroyed soul
Moderator: Welcome back everyone. Please introduce yourselves.
Fear: My name is fear and Audrey feels me when she’s threatened.
Sadness: My name is sadness and Audrey feels me when she’s been misunderstood.
Personality: My name is Personality and Audrey is comfortable with me.
Serenity: My name is Serenity and Audrey uses me for peace.
Shyness: My name is Shyness and Audrey embraces me.
Misunderstood: My name is Misunderstood and Audrey feels me quite a bit which leads most of the time to sadness.
Stereotype: My name is stereotype and Audrey tries to disprove me.
Loneliness: My name is loneliness and despite what experts say, Audrey never feels me when she’s alone.
Love: Hi all. I wasn’t here yesterday. I had the flu.
Moderator: That’s quite alright.
Love: My name is Love and Audrey fears me.
Fear: She feels me towards you?
Love: I wish I knew.
Shyness: Let’s face it, Audrey feels me when she sees someone for the first time. She doesn’t know what to expect.
Fear: She feels me as well.
Love: I know, but she shouldn’t.
Stereotype: That’s easy for you to say.
Love: Wait a minute…
Moderator: Aren’t we forgetting someone?
All: Oh yeah…
A: My name is Audrey and I’m an introvert.
All: Welcome back Audrey
A: Thank you.
Moderator: Did you have a chance to think about what we talked about last session?
Moderator: What were your reactions?
A: Every emotion one could feel, I was feeling.
Stereotype: No love?
A: I don’t feel something that isn’t true to me.
Loneliness: You didn’t feel me, did you?
Loneliness: See? The shrinks got it all wrong. One can be alone and not feel lonely. Audrey is living proof of that.
A: me and a lot of others around the world can be alone without loneliness. It’s a matter of what you do with that alone time.
A: And for the record, I also felt sadness, anger and confusion.
Sadness: I knew I would be in there somewhere.
Loneliness: I suppose anger and confusion couldn’t make the session?
Moderator: I haven’t heard from them.
Loneliness: I mean, I’m here and she rarely feels me, yet…
Shyness: If you think about it, she tries to hold down her anger.
Fear: That can’t be good.
A: I don’t feel anger gets anything done.
A: All anger does for me is drain what little energy I have and makes me so bitter that I don’t want to do anything.
Serenity: How do you get rid of your anger?
A: Singing off the top of my lungs till I have no voice.
Personality: How long does that take?
A: depending on the songs….about a couple of hours.
Stereotype: and with no voice…
A: I don’t have to explain myself to anyone.
Serenity: You shouldn’t have to anyway.
Misunderstood: Unfortunately, people she meets for the first time feel me because they think of her as being mean or nasty because she doesn’t say much.
Loneliness: That’s not fair.
Fear: neither is life, but we have to make the most of it.
A: I’m very comfortable with who I am. I don’t need to prove that I’m comfortable. If people can’t see past the physical parts of me, then that’s something I can’t change.
A: But it also means that they don’t want to work at getting to know me.
Moderator: I’m not so sure about that.
A: Look, every day I have to deal with all kinds of personalities.
A: And there are those whose personality I can’t stand, but I’m civil anyway.
Moderator: As it should be.
A: And those who don’t like my personality either. I can’t change that.
A: But I REFUSE to change to please them either. Either you like me as I am or you don’t. I don’t have time to play games.
Stereotype: It’s a good thing seriousness isn’t here.
Stereotype: I wonder if a lot of those people you’ve met think you take life too seriously.
A: I’ve been told that yes.
Stereotype: There you go. Maybe they think you can’t loosen up.
A: here we go again…
Misunderstood: Stereotype, this is the kind of thing that upsets Audrey a lot. Those using me as a reason to…
Stereotype: Wait a minute…we don’t know if the other person has misunderstood her.
Misunderstood: If that was the case, she wouldn’t be here asking about love would she?
Fear: Love is never easy.
Love: Life is never easy.
Moderator: True, but we are talking about Audrey here. She’s unique in a lot of ways.
Love: The world is unique in a lot of ways.
Moderator: True, but some in the world want to fit in so their uniqueness won’t show. Audrey would rather let her uniqueness show.
Serenity: This is true. I mean, here’s someone whose favorite poet is Shakespeare.
A: Nothing wrong with that.
Love: I know, but even I find that surprising.
A: I’m dreading this…
Stereotype: This is where I come in. I suppose Audrey liking Shakespeare is something she isn’t allowed to like, eh?
Love: I never said that.
Stereotype: You didn’t have to.
Misunderstood: Hold up, you two. Feeling me in this session might not be wise.
Moderator: I disagree. We need to get to the crux of Audrey’s situation and the only way to do that is to let her feel what she needs to feel and so should you all.
Shyness: I agree.
Fear: Audrey, there’s nothing wrong with being unique.
A: I know that.
Fear: As long as you know it, it will show and those who see with their souls and not with their eyes will witness that.
A: Thank you.
Loneliness: See with their souls? I’m lost.
A: I live my life thru my soul. My soul is the only reason why I’m still alive.
Moderator: I’m sure your heart, body, mind and spirit will have something to say about it.
A: They know that the only reason why I have a mind, heart, body and spirit is because of my soul.
Moderator: Your heart allows you to breathe. Your body holds in the rest of you. Your mind allows you to express what you do and your spirit keeps you grounded.
A: But without my soul, I wouldn’t be doing all of those things.
Moderator: We’ll deal with that later, but in the meantime, you value your soul.
A: I do. My soul is the reason why I write.
Shyness: And we all here help you in that writing journey.
A: Yes, you all do. My soul feels you all, at least not at the same time, in one capacity or another and I use my soul’s voice to write down what she wants to convey to me.
Serenity: Nothing wrong with that.
Moderator: No, but to communicate with the human race, writing isn’t always the answer.
Fear: True. There is the voice.
A: A voice I’m afraid to use at times.
A: Because of you.
A: No matter how many times I try to explain something, it’s as if they didn’t understand what I was talking about.
Misunderstood: It happens.
A: Plus, I don’t think on the same level as most.
A: This is why my soul is so important to me. She forces me to see deeper into myself, to see the deeper parts of my psyche.
Moderator: I get it. That’s why you feel that people misunderstand you because they’re not “looking” with their souls.
Moderator: Audrey, that’s not a very easy thing to do. That takes a lot of practice and a lot of discipline. Besides, most people want to talk gossip, or talk small talk.
Stereotype: There’s nothing wrong with that.
Love: Hey, I can happen when small talk happens, you know.
A: For me, small talk doesn’t stimulate me the way it stimulates others.
Love: Why is that?
Loneliness: Audrey is an introvert and from my understanding, introverts don’t do that kind of talk.
Love: Oh, I don’t know. I’m sure there are a lot of introverts that do small talk and gossip.
A: This is one introvert that doesn’t do either.
Stereotype: And there’s nothing wrong with that.
Love: Listen, let’s say that a favorite musician of Audrey’s had something happen to them….um…they cheated on their spouse.
Moderator: Go on.
Love: Shouldn’t Audrey know that has happened?
Moderator: Audrey, do you want to answer that?
A: I don’t feel I need to know the personal lives of the musicians I listen to or meet.
A: Because when I go to a show, it’s basically I’m the fan and they’re the musician.
Love: Nothing more.
A: Unless they e-mail me personally to say that they want to be a friend of mine, then it’s me the fan and they’re the musician.
Loneliness: Nothing wrong with that.
Love: I see everything wrong with it.
Moderator: in what way?
Love: Look, Audrey’s unique, we all know that, and that Audrey is spending her money on going to the shows and buying their records and such…
Stereotype: Yes, but remember, there are a lot of other people who do the same thing and some stand out more than others. It’s usually those that leave the biggest impression on the musicians.
Love: so, you’re saying that musicians can’t stand introverts.
Stereotype: I didn’t say that.
Love: That’s what it sounds like to me.
Misunderstood: This is where I come in.
Moderator: Wait a minute…let’s take a look at this.
Moderator: Audrey, how many musicians have you met in the last…let’s say two years?
A: I don’t know…about 10 or so.
Love: That seems like a lot.
A: It isn’t.
Moderator: Of those musicians you’ve met, were any of them mean to you?
Moderator: Were they all appreciative of you being there?
A: I suppose
Stereotype: You suppose?
A: I remember talking to someone a long time ago about people and their demeanor.
A: And this person told me that 95% of musicians that go out to meet the people do it because they have to and not because they want to.
Moderator: 95%? That’s a huge number.
A: I know.
Fear: No wonder when you go to meet the musician, you feel me to the point of paralysis.
Fear: I mean, she doesn’t even know if the musician is genuinely happy to see her and is thankful for her being there, or that he’s just pretending to be that way so as to not hurt her feelings.
Love: Fear, I don’t get it.
Fear: Well, seeing that Audrey is who she is, it must have taken a lot of guts to not only go to the show, but to walk up to a complete stranger and say hello.
Love: That does take a lot of bravery
Fear; And, if you think about it, because she may only see that musician once a year, to her, they are still a complete stranger to her.
Stereotype; No, I think you got that all wrong.
Fear: I do?
Sadness: yes, I think it’s that she may know of the musician, but to the musician, she is still a complete stranger.
Personality: And this where the extrovert/introvert thing comes in.
Personality: If Audrey were an extrovert, the musician would remember her more because she would be more outgoing.
serenity: So, like we said in the last session, the only way for Audrey to have friends and fall in love is to be an extrovert…something she feels she can never be.
Moderator: We didn’t say she could never be that.
Serenity: Yes, but didn’t we just say that we accept her as she is…a serene, quiet, introvert?
Moderator: Yes, we did say that.
Serenity: All I’m saying is that as long as Audrey is her TRUE SELF, the musicians she meets, no matter how many times she meets them, will always look at her as a complete stranger.
Moderator: Unless it’s the first time, I wouldn’t think of it that way.
Serenity: Well, that is what will happen.
Moderator: And you know this how?
Stereotype: Again, musicians are in it to be more popular than the next artist.
Moderator: You don’t know that.
Stereotype: O.K. If it were me, I would dare any musician who has met me to e-mail me at least once. Those who don’t, I would say that I’m a complete stranger and will always be one to them.
Fear: I can’t argue with that.
Love: That’s not fair.
Stereotype: Neither is life, and we…
Love: I know, I know.
Moderator: Something tells me this will lead up to why she feels the way she does.
Love: Audrey, how do you feel about musicians?
A: I don’t know how to feel, really.
Love: Tell me more.
A: There are times where I love what they do and appreciate what they do, but then there’s a small part of me that says that I shouldn’t even be allowed in their space.
A: Because of my quiet, serene personality.
Love: Audrey, do you feel you will ever find romantic love?
A: At this time…no.
A: I don’t fit the “stereotype”.
Stereotype: This is where I come in.
Love: What stereotype?
Stereotype: Why do you think shrinks and therapists tell those who are introverts not to be introverts?
Stereotypes: Those shrinks and therapists tell introverts that no one wants to fall in love with an introvert.
Love: I find that hard to believe.
Loneliness: Do you think Audrey would be here if she could find love as an introvert?
Love: No, but…
Loneliness: enough said.
Love: No, not enough said. I’m telling you, there’s someone for everyone.
A: I wish I could believe that.
Love: It will happen.
A: no rush. I’m not even contemplating romance anyway. Too scary for me.
Love: Love isn’t as harsh as you make it out to be.
A: Who said I made love out to be harsh?
Love: Look, you’re letting these guys paint a picture of a musician as someone who is only in it for the popularity and the money and don’t really care about the fans.
A: I don’t believe it.
Misunderstood: Love, wait a minute. You’re assuming because of how we view a musician, that this is how Audrey views one?
Love: I didn’t…
Moderator: before this gets way out of hand, Audrey, why don’t you tell us in your own words what it would take for you to allow people into your unique, serene lifestyle.
A: I’m not one who lives my life on a computer. I do go out and explore even if I’m not going to a specific place. I’m one who likes to listen to some jazz CD’s, drive thru traffic, or the streets of <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">San Francisco</st1:place></st1:city>, just to be part of the atmosphere. I’m one who will take her mp3 player to Land’s End and go for a walk along the trail until the sun goes to bed for the day. I’m one who likes to see that spectacle while hearing a soothing voice saying “You’d Be So Nice to Come Home to”. I’m one that will occasionally go to see someone I enjoy listening to play live and, if I’m not intimidated, will want to thank that musician for a wonderful show. I’ve never asked for much except to be accepted as I am. I’m not perfect, nor do I want to be perfect. I just want to be me. That’s all I ever wanted…to be me.
Moderator: And you can be you. You said it yourself, not everyone is going to like you.
A: I know.
Fear: So why feel me?
A: I’ve never had a friend in my lifetime it seems. Those I thought were my friends didn’t turn out that way. All this talk about learning experiences is enough to make me wanna puke.
Moderator: But that’s what they are…learning experiences.
A: Basically, I’m learning the only way to make friends and to experience romance is not to be me.
Moderator: That, is not true.
A: Until someone truthfully comes up to me, or e-mails me, to say that they want to know me, AS I AM, then I will always feel the way I do and keep my soul very close to me. I refuse to let my soul get destroyed again.
Moderator: You never told me about the time that made you question whether or not you were appreciated.
A: I’m too tired to continue.
Moderator: It’s almost quitting time.
Fear: Audrey, if it’s any indication, you did very well today.
A: Somehow, I feel I’m going to regret it.
A: Because I’ve never shared anything this deep before for fear of ridicule.
Moderator: You are amongst friends here. Don’t feel that you will be ridiculed for baring your soul. Most would NEVER do what you’re doing now.
Fear: Because of me
Misunderstood: and especially me.
Love: Know that we will be here for you. I will always be here for you. You have a lot of me to share and I can see that only certain people should get that special gift from you, but life isn’t as bad as you make it out to be.
A: It’s not that. I just feel that some haven’t been very forthcoming with me.
A: I need to know where I stand with certain people.
Love: You should ask?
A: I’m afraid to.
Moderator: How will you know if you don’t ask?
A: I suppose.
Moderator: Till next session everyone…Audrey?
Moderator: If you need anything at all, don’t hesitate to call me, you have my number.
A: I will, thank you.
Moderator: till next session?
A: Till next session.
My first story of 2011. Part one of a story about me, introverts, and how I learn about myself thru the personality traits and emotions I feel.
Love for the introvert
By: Audrey Clark
Written: January 2, 2011
Part One: Day one of group-the set up.
At a group therapy session.
A: My name is Audrey and I’m an introvert
Members: Hi Audrey.
Moderator: have a seat.
A: Thank you.
Moderator: What brings you to group therapy?
A: I want to know why therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists consider being an introvert a negative trait.
Moderator: That’s a great question. Why do you think they do?
A: I feel because some introverts aren’t seen or aren’t heard, they’re afraid of the mystery.
Moderator: That’s possible. What do the rest of you think?
Fear: Hi Audrey, I’m fear and feel that you might have a point. I feel that most therapists and shrinks use me as a reason to misunderstand introverts. I don’t feel they’ve done enough studies on introverts to see just how they work.
A: Why pay money to someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing?
Fear: You don’t have to.
A: I know that now.
Moderator: anyone else?
Serenity: Hi Audrey. I’m serenity and feel that shrinks don’t want you to feel me as much as you do.
Serenity: There’s a life out there for you to explore.
A: I know that, but what good is exploring life when you don’t have the energy to explore it.
Serenity: I understand.
A: I need you to give me the calm and rest needed to tackle each day. I don’t truly believe people know how hard it is for an introvert on a day to day basis.
Serenity: Maybe they don’t want to know.
A: Then why push me to something that isn’t me?
Serenity: People want to see you as they see you, not as you see you. They want you to be what THEY want you to be.
A: What kind of relationship is that?
Serenity: One you shouldn’t be in.
Moderator: Good point, serenity. One needs to understand that people are people and should be accepted as people. Love and life don’t see what people do and that could explain why unconditional love between people will never exist.
Moderator: Anyone else?
Sadness: Hi Audrey. I’m sadness and I wonder if most people who meet you look at you and see me instead?
A: Why would they do that?
Sadness: Some mistaken quietness as sadness and possible loneliness because you don’t have a lot of people surrounding you.
A: What if I don’t need a lot of people surrounding me?
Sadness: That’s just it They feel that when you experience myself, you need everyone around to cheer you up.
A: O.K. Let’s say that’s true. Then what happens when I don’t talk to everyone?
Loneliness: Hi Audrey, I’m loneliness and you have a very valid point. I can say that those who are extroverts who don’t have a lot of people around them will experience me everytime they are alone.
A: Well, I’m sure that not all extroverts will experience you when they’re alone, just like not all introverts are mean and stuck up because they don’t say anything or are shy.
Sadness: Point well taken.
Shyness: Hi Audrey, I’m shyness and I wonder why those same therapists and shrinks look at me as negative?
A: I don’t know, shyness. You are part of my character and I embrace it. Other may look at me differently because I don’t fit they’re “stereotype”, but in the end, as long as my soul and I are comfortable with me, that’s all that should matter…right?
Moderator: This is a very wonderful subject. The introvert. Audrey, what made you believe that you are one?
A: Thru books and the Myers-Briggs indicator I took way back in college, I realized that I was different. I didn’t need people around me all the time to stimulate me. My brain and my soul are parts of me that I treasure with my life and I do what I deem necessary to keep both healthy and happy.
Moderator: nothing wrong with that.
A: I do math puzzles to keep my brain sharp. I feed my soul and brain soothing music to keep them in harmony and at peace and also help them to rest.
Shyness: I like that.
A: Thank you shyness. Most people would think I’m nuts for being the way I am, but I don’t feel that way.
Stereotype: Hi Audrey, I’m stereotype and I’m here to say that I will never go away, no matter how many times you try to prove me wrong.
A: That maybe true, but you will determine whether I want to stick around with a particular person or not.
Stereotype: How so?
A: If they use you as a reason to pretend to like me, only to realize that it was all for popularity instead of getting to know the real me.
Stereotype: It sounds like you’re talking more about famous people instead of normal people.
Moderator: Are you saying stereotype that famous people are not normal?
A: They are people.
Stereotype: Sure they are, but at the end of the day, it’s still about being popular. Why do you think everytime something happens to them, the world knows about it?
Stereotype: They say they want people to know the real them, but do they really want people to know the real them?
A: I don’t know.
Moderator: What do the rest of you think?
Serenity: Well, if they had the kind of focus on their soul that Audrey has, then maybe they would want to let the world know about the real them.
Shyness: it sounds like they feel me more than they let on.
Stereotype: I wouldn’t say that.
Fear: I wouldn’t either. I would think famous people would feel me more.
Fear: Remember, in the world of <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Hollywood</st1:place></st1:city>, it’s all about being someone else. Why do you think movies are as popular as they are? Why do think television shows are as popular as they are?
A: That maybe so, but the actors behind those characters are people.
Misunderstood: Hi Audrey, sorry I’m late. I had to deal with bad traffic.
A: That’s quite alright.
Misunderstood: I’m misunderstood and I can tell you that you and famous people have something in common.
A: What is it?
A: I know that you have come in on a lot of situations in my life…
Misunderstood: Hear me out. When a famous person meets a fan, they don’t know what to expect.
A: neither does the fan.
Misunderstood: True. When the meeting takes place, maybe the famous person sees this fan as one thing, and the fan sees the famous person as one thing, and when they both don’t get what the other expect, that’s where I come in.
A: O.K. I can see that.
Stereotype: And depending on the situation, it could either be a good meeting or an awful one.
Moderator: that’s right, stereotype.
A: O.K, but what about the musician? They can’t really hide behind anything.
Serenity: I think Milli Vanilli took care of that.
Moderator: How so?
A: I guess, before that scandal broke out, the musician could essentially get credit for a song that they didn’t even sing, although that would be very hard to accomplish.
Moderator: Why is that?
A: When I was into heavy metal music, a lot of the forums that I was a part of talked about seeing a performance live. That way, you could tell how good a musician really was.
Moderator: I see.
A: With all music, the live performance is the tell tale sign to determine just how good a musician is and if it is them singing.
Misunderstood: What about the instrumentalist?
A: I’ll agree that’s a tougher one to prove.
A: Well, because they’re playing an instrument, they can hide behind that.
Personality: Hi Audrey, I’m personality and I want to ask, doesn’t personality determine a style the musician plays?
A: I would think so.
Personality: Then, as to stereotype’s point about actors, one could have a “misunderstanding” about a musician if how they play doesn’t match their personality.
Moderator: Then why even do music? From what Audrey is saying, if your personality is different than how you play, isn’t the musician deceiving the public?
Personality: Audrey, is this how you see it?
A: I don’t know. My hope is that when I listen to someone’s songs, and I see them live, and if I’m lucky, I get to talk the musician in person, that all three are in line with each other.
Personality: meaning that the way they play live and on record reflects how they will be when she comes up to talk to them in person.
Shyness: Nothing wrong with that.
Moderator: Yes, but what if it doesn’t match? Then what?
A: That’s where the dilemma comes in. Do I continue to support them, knowing I’m nothing more than a reason to make them more popular than the next artist? That I’m nothing more than a penny in their bank account?
Moderator: interesting dilemma. Anyone want to jump in here?
Fear: I do. Remember how when a fan and an actor meet face to face, not knowing what to expect from each other.
Fear: The same happens with musicians. I’m sure when you met a musician for the first time, you had no idea what to expect.
A: I didn’t know. That’s what made me experience you everytime.
Fear: I understand. Now, remember, they can’t know how you feel just you can’t know how they feel and I’m sure they weren’t sure what to expect of you either.
Stereotype: OH…wait a minute. I think I know what’s she’s getting at.
Fear: Please, tell.
Stereotype: My guess is that when Audrey was small, she had a personality that didn’t fit the perception of what an African-American female was “supposed” to be, right?
Fear: It makes sense.
Stereotype: Now, I know not all famous people are like this, but let’s assume the musicians she’s met looked at Audrey and felt that she WAS SUPPOSED TO BE the stereotype of the African-American female.
Misunderstood: That’s a dangerous track to lead on.
Stereotype: I know, but hear me out. They meet and she doesn’t fit the profile. I can see where the disappointment might come in.
Serenity: With the musician?
Personality: What kind of musician would you call that?
Misunderstood: One who doesn’t know about two certain things…
Moderator: Which are?
Misunderstood: Me and tolerance.
Fear: I would put me in that sentence.
Personality: Misunderstanding, I can definitely see. Tolerance, I can definitely see, but fear?
Shyness: I can see it. The musician is afraid of Audrey because she doesn’t fit the stereotype, therefore the stereotype isn’t valid.
Moderator: Yes, but I feel that ALL stereotypes are not valid.
Stereotype: Why would you say that?
A: Think of it this way. In chemistry and physics, in order for a theory to become law, every test you have has to fit the theory 100%. If there’s one test that proves that theory wrong, it will never become law.
Serenity: I never thought of it that way.
Moderator: She’s got a point. We wouldn’t have the law of gravity if it wasn’t for the pioneers before that prove it right every single time.
Moderator: I can see the comparison. If a musician looks at only the stereotype of a particular race of people and one member of that race doesn’t fit the profile, then that’s where the misunderstanding comes into play.
Misunderstood: All their ideals go up in smoke. They have to realize the uniqueness of that person.
Stereotype: But let me say that some musicians will look at this as an act.
Misunderstood: I know, and that’s where I feel the dilemma for Audrey comes in.
Fear: How so?
Personality: Audrey is an introvert. She’s quiet, shy, loves to do math puzzles, loves music and….
A: Driving in my car to explore new places and walks on the beach.
Serenity: Sounds like a serene person to me.
Personality: A serene introvert who doesn’t need to have people around all the time to be stimulated.
Personality: So, when she does go somewhere, like Yoshi’s, let’s say and sees a musician she likes musically, her hope is that when they meet, she doesn’t get the vibe that the musicians only expects her to be one way.
Moderator: I can understand that.
Fear: So what happens when he/she doesn’t get that?
Misunderstood: It could be that both parties experience me and the meeting might get a little awkward.
Shyness: ok. But seeing that she has me in her personality profile, she might not know what to say when she goes up to that musician. Remember, a lot of extroverted stimulation could tire her out.
Moderator: This is true.
Shyness: and maybe she only has enough energy to say hi, her name and how good the concert was.
Moderator: This is true to.
Personality: O.K. So, what if she meets this person time and time again?
Shyness: you mean more than once?
Fear: Yeah, what then?
Stereotype: Then, it depends on how long between shows they meet.
Fear: Yeah, but in the meantime…
Serenity: HOLD UP.
Serenity: We are forgetting one very important point here.
All: Which is?
Serenity: Why she brought up this in the first place. Remember, it’s her mind and soul debating whether meeting musicians is really something she could continue doing?
Moderator: I don’t see why she should stop.
Misunderstood: I can see why she would think of stopping.
Misunderstood: Because of me
Fear; and me
Serenity: And me
Shyness: and especially me.
Personality: What they are saying is that because she is an introvert, and shy and serene and does have a fear of how others might perceive her, that maybe even going to concerts might be too much for her.
Moderator: she’s been able to do it for the last two years without a hitch.
Personality: yes, but something happened to her recently that has caused her to maybe question how much the musician appreciates her and others like her for their support.
Moderator: Is that so?
Moderator: You need to tell us about it at our next session.
A: I’m not sure if I can.
Moderator: Don’t worry. You have the support of the group behind you.
Personality: Believe me, we would never desert you. You need questions answered and you reached out to us. It was hard, I know, but I’m glad you did.
A: Thank you. Till next session.
A Year in the Matrix.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
By: Audrey Clark<o:p></o:p>
Written: December 24, 2009<o:p></o:p>
On this Christmas Eve, as I ponder what will be talked about at my relative’s house on Christmas Day, I think back to the day where I first joined Jazz Matrix.<o:p></o:p>
I have to admit, I was a bit intimidated at first. There was a time, before I knew who Chris Standring was, where I wondered if there was a place where I could find all the jazz I needed. I was sort of new to the genre and really didn’t have much of an idea about it, but knew I liked it…(a certain kind of jazz anyway).<o:p></o:p>
At the time, I had to look at various websites to get the information I needed. It didn’t bother me too much at first, but then after a while, I realized it was a bit time consuming, and me, being the quiet, busy bee that I am, knew there had to be something better than this.<o:p></o:p>
Now, when I did first discover Chris last year, I was going thru a phase where I was looking to find new musicians to listen to. There was nothing wrong with the ones I had liked over the years. I still enjoyed them. I was looking to build my knowledge by finding musicians who gave jazz a flavor all their own. (I’m one for uniqueness, you know).<o:p></o:p>
In 2008, I had discovered a lot of musicians like Kurt Elling, Steve Tyrell, Lee Ritenour and Brian Bromberg to name a few. These guys I mentioned, not only did I get a chance to see them live in my area, but got a chance to talk to them as well. It was a new experience for me and one I will always cherish.<o:p></o:p>
That same year, I had discovered Chris. I wasn’t sure at first, but after hearing some samples of songs on Amazon, I decided to buy “Love and Paragraphs”. <o:p></o:p>
After plenty of listens, I enjoyed what he did musically. It was a freshness that I had never really heard before in a guitarist and was impressed with it.<o:p></o:p>
It was then that I checked out his website, and then found out about Jazz Matrix.<o:p></o:p>
It was in December 2008 that I got the confidence to sign up. I had never had my own “page” before and wasn’t exactly sure what to put in it. I mean, I wasn’t a professional musician or a producer or even a record company exec. I was just a fan of jazz looking to find other fans of jazz to help me learn more about this wonderful genre and hopefully be able to introduce to them some of my favorites.<o:p></o:p>
As I built my page, I basically used my blog to share my love of poetry with the “logic creativity” that I used in my writing. Most of it is in a poetry form, but my hope is that when one reads it, they can’t tell because it flowed so smoothly.<o:p></o:p>
I would also use it to write about things that would cross my mind from time to time. I have a habit of thinking a lot, although these days, I haven’t had much time for that “think a lot” thinking. If anything, whatever energy I didn’t use at work, I used at home to try and do some e-mail or add to my page, bit by bit, before my heart, body, mind, soul, and spirit said “It’s time to rest.”<o:p></o:p>
I also decided to use the photo album mainly to post pictures of some of the musicians I have met over the past two years. All of this is new to me and to have them take the time to come out and sign CD’s, take pictures and talk about their craft, I will always be grateful for. For a shy person like me, to even go to a club at all is an accomplishment.<o:p></o:p>
As people looked at my page and asked me to be friends with them, I felt comfortable knowing that the musicians are just as big a fan of jazz as I am. I felt like we were all people gathered in one place to share in the jazz experience.<o:p></o:p>
One of the most beautiful things about this site is that the music I’ve discovered on here is incredible. Hauntingly beautiful, inspirational to my writing, calming to my psyche, and wonderful to hear after a long day at the office. The radio shows that I’ve been able to listen to have been just as incredible. (I will make an effort to listen more…it’s part of my “trying to calm myself and do what I enjoy” plan. If I am to make a New Year’s Resolution, it’s to do what I enjoy doing and making sure I have plenty of energy for it.)<o:p></o:p>
As the year has gone, I’ve been thru so many changes in my life. Some good, some not so good, but in the end, I’m still standing and that’s the most important thing. One of the good things was
getting a chance to discover, see live and meet even more musicans like Spencer Day, Crystal Monee Hall, Joe Bagale, & Michael Lington, as well as get a chance to see some of my other favorites like Kurt and Brian for a 2nd time live and see others favorites for the 1st time like Jeff Golub and Jeff Lorber.
I just want to thank you all for not only allowing me to be a part of this community, but for allowing a shy woman like me a chance to hopefully allow you to see inside my quiet world. It may be a bit noisy at times, but it’s more of a quiet noise.<o:p></o:p>
I do hope that in the coming year, I will get a chance to meet some of you. <o:p></o:p>
One of my goals is to visit <?xml:namespace prefix = st1 ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:smarttags" /><st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">L.A.</st1:place></st1:City>, at least once next year. I haven’t been to <st1:City w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">L.A.</st1:place></st1:City> since Graduation Night 1988, and I would like to visit, if for any reason, just to experience something new, and hopefully find some shows to see. (Just think, two weeks from this Friday, this quiet one will be 40 years old, and believe me, I think more people will be shocked at that…especially those who know what I look like.). <o:p></o:p>
On this Christmas Eve, I would like to wish all of you and your families a safe and wonderful <st1:place w:st="on">Holiday</st1:place> Season.
And to you Chris, I thank you for pointing me in the direction of this website. I’ve learned a lot from here and hope to learn more.<o:p></o:p>
Aka the Quiet One<o:p></o:p>
December 24, 2009<o:p></o:p>
1:40am PST <o:p></o:p>